So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
