My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
