Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I would fuck him just for his dog
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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