Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
