didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
