just tell him i said nine months
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
