Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
