there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
