Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
