we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
