We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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