Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
