Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
