Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
