So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
