hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
