Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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