My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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