hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
