I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
