How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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