Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
