I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
