well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
