Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
