singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
