Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
