The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
