What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
