you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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