take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
