dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
