You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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