i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Randomize
