If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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