I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
