just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
