Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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