if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
we should paint friendship bongs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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