If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Can I color on your dick again?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
