His apartment number was 69. I had to.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
