They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
