mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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