Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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