he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
