what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
