Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize