Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
