This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
