Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
