wrigley field is MILF paradise
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
