i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
